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Story: HR

Posted on December 21, 2012October 17, 2022 by David Barker

In a stack of resumés that listed personal accomplishments like “graduated from high school” and “completed administrative assistant program at such-and-such business college”, it took Adams by surprise to discover at the bottom of the stack a late application from a certain Maria Grüber who claimed to have done a five-year stint working for Mother Teresa at her orphanage in Calcutta. Adams placed the resumé on top and carried the stack to Wembley’s office where he dropped the stack on the desk and waited for his partner to finish a phone call. When the call was done, Wembley looked over the top of his computer monitor and asked if they had a new receptionist.

— Maybe. Adams pointed to the stack of resumés.

— Any stand-outs?

— Just one. Adams handed over the resumé from Maria Grüber.

Wembley scanned the two pages of cramped text, then smiled at Adams.

— You’re so naïve, he said. This is resumé padding at its worst.

— Really? How can you tell?

— Oh, come on. She knows we’re never gonna call Calcutta. Her alleged former employer just died. I mean, how convenient is that?

— I guess I figured nobody’d put something like that on a resumé unless it was true.

— Yeah, that’s what she wants you to think. But let’s be realistic here: with experience like that, who’d wanna work for a couple number-crunchers like us?

— I see your point. Even so, I’d like to believe there are still people in the world who, you know, help other people.

Adams and Wembley stared at one another across the desk. Adams noted that Wembley’s hairline was starting to recede. Adams also noted that the photo of Wembley had fallen over—the one of him posing in front of a Maserati. It wasn’t Wembley’s Maserati, but he said one day he’d own a model just like it. Wembley’s gym bag lay open in the corner and smelled of workout sweat.

— So. Thoughts?

Adams answered by taking the resumé from Wembley and feeding it to the paper shredder.

— Agreed.

They moved on to the next resumé in the stack: “graduated from high school” and “completed administrative assistant program at such-and-such business college”.

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