I feel so dirty, like I’ve been watching porn against my will. Now it’s time to step into the shower and wash away that disgusting feeling that comes from watching a multi-billion dollar industry laud itself on making record profits during the most significant economic recession since Academy Awards were instituted. Yes, I watched the show. It was like driving past a traffic accident. I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help myself.
As the Hollywood juggernaut hurtled towards the Best Picture award, we witnessed the obscenity of five actors and five actresses standing upon a stage, addressing their nominated colleagues in the Best Actor and Best Actress categories, gushing their adulation to all the world: “a true humanitarian,” “a wonderful human being,” “a great kisser?” Why not just fellate one another and get it over with?
Although questionable, the results were not surprising. The Hurt Locker won six Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director for Kathryn Bigelow and Best Original Screenplay for Mark Boal. For the official statement of results, go to the Oscar website. Both Boal and Bigelow dedicated their wins to America’s troops in Iraq and the 4,000 dead. In fact, more than 4,000 have died in Iraq, but only 4,000 real people have died there.
The evening’s only travesty was Sandra Bullock’s win as Best Actress for her role as Leigh Anne Tuohy in The Blind Side. In fairness, she was most gracious in her win, dedicating her Oscar to white Christian moms throughout the world. Bullock has the distinction of being the only Academy Award winner to have won a Razzie in the same year. The Academy gave her the award because she managed a more believable accent than either Carey Mulligan or Helen Mirren. Meryl Streep was not allowed to win because, as we were reminded on numerous occasions, she is simply too talented and it would be selfish of her to deny mediocrity its moment in the sunshine.
Scruples about Streep’s talent produce a strange phenomenon: in the midst of such obscene wealth as we find in Hollywood, there is nevertheless an intuitive sense of distributive justice. The Academy feels obliged to compensate for the fact that some people do indeed have more talent and intelligence than others. Poor Sandra Bullock. Now at least she’ll have something pretty to put on her night table. Maybe she and Sarah Palin can go shopping together sometime.