Police discover a body leaning against a swing set in a park in the middle of suburbia. It’s in the advanced stages of decomposition, with one of those skeletal grins. CSI types are called to the scene to investigate. They try to reconstruct the events leading up to the victim’s death. They determine that the victim had come home from work on a Friday evening only to discover that he had forgotten his house key. He knocked on his neighbour’s door, but his neighbour never heard because he was so engrossed in a Reality TV show. He knocked on other doors too, but the home theatre systems with Dolby 5.1 surround sound drowned out his cries for help. He started to walk through the twisting streets of suburbia. Pretty soon, every house on every street started to look like every other house on every other street. After a day of wandering, he realized he was lost in the labyrinthine heart of suburbia. He never met anyone else on the street. Everyone was busy cocooning in front of their big screens. Sometimes a Hummer would rush by, but with the tinted windows, he had no idea of anyone ever noticed him. He tried to get water from down spouts, but it wasn’t enough to stave off the dehydration. He tried to catch a feral cat, but it was too fast. Eventually he came to a playground where he sat with his back propped against one pole of a swing set. Surely a nanny would chance upon him if he waited enough. But nannies didn’t walk their children anymore; they rode in Subarus to community centre play groups with underground parking lots so they didn’t have to go outdoors. The coroner determines that the victim died of dehydration and exposure. It isn’t a suspicious death after all.
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Wed, Feb 24, 2010
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