Willy Wonka loves the Oompa-Loompas and they love him back. You see, they’re funny looking: they’re short and have orange skin, with rotten teeth and bad breath, and they sing the damnedest song. The first time he ever saw them, Willy’s heart brimmed with compassion. It was a sordid business, off-loading kegs from the local brewery and finding themselves (there in the alley behind the Detroit Eatery) the unwilling participants in an impromptu dwarf-throwing contest.
We’re Oompa-Loompas! Not dwarfs! they cried. But the brewery truck drivers saw no difference (orange skin notwithstanding). It was Willy to the rescue, bribing the truck drivers with everlasting gobstoppers. And the rest, as they say, is history. Which is a stupid expression, suggesting that history has a defined ending or, what’s worse, a pre-ordained end. The truth is: it’s just an isolated episode in a long and sordid affair. Maybe you’ve already detected in Willy what we’ve known all along: there’s a darker side to his nature. Oh sure, there’s the smiling face. He puts it on whenever a special group (like the people from Eli Lilly or Pfizer) takes a tour of the factory floor. What a wonderful philanthropic man! With his charitable Oompa-Loompa foundation, and his newsletter, and peer-led support group, and baseball team, and community outreach, and medical research funding, and public awareness education, and heart-warming TV ads. But let’s take a closer look. Oompa-Loompas are non-union wage labour, with further wage discounts because they live on-site. They get no benefits (the rotten teeth) and suffer toxic exposure (the orange skin). But that’s not the worst of it. Sometimes late at night, long after the lollipop machines have fallen silent, Willy hand-picks two or three of the prettier ones and takes them up to his office which overlooks the shop floor. There, he samples their candy.
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Tue, Oct 14, 2008
Stories